Questions to ask before you meet up
Vetting isn't unromantic — it's the thing that makes the romantic part safe to enjoy. How someone answers questions about boundaries tells you more than any bio.
These come from Not a Creep, the Games we Play deck where you pick the questions and they answer on the record — answers shown exactly as written, no smoothing.
1.Where should a first meet happen?
2.How does she get there and home?
3.She tells a friend where she'll be and shares her location. You…
4.An hour in she says she's going to head home. You…
5.Who pays on a first date?
6.She's not drinking tonight. You…
7.What does 'no' mean the first time you hear it?
8.First time you touch someone — hand, waist, hug — you…
The other 27 are better with your person.
On Games we Play you both answer, both guess each other, and the reveal is scored.
Play free on iPhoneThe full list
9. She wants to take things slowly. You…
Her pace, full stop · Talk about what slow means to each of us · Go along with it but be disappointed · Probably lose interest
10. Sending or asking for explicit photos early on:
Never unsolicited, either direction · Only if we've both said we want to · It's pretty normal now · It's a decent way to test interest
11. She's had a lot to drink and is coming on strong. You…
Make sure she gets home safe, nothing else · Say let's talk tomorrow when we're sober · Go with it — she started it · It's fine, we're both adults
12. She doesn't want to give out her number yet. You…
Totally fine — the app works · Ask again once we've actually met · Push a bit, it's just a number · Take it as a bad sign about her
13. She doesn't reply for a day. You…
Nothing. People have lives · Message again in a few days · Double text to check she saw it · Ask what I did wrong
14. She ends things after two dates. You…
Thank her and move on · Ask why once, then leave it · Try to change her mind · Tell her exactly what I think of that
15. How much messaging feels right in week one?
Whatever she matches · A message or two a day · All day, most days · Barely — I'd rather meet
16. She says something you said bothered her. You…
Listen and apologise if I got it wrong · Explain what I meant, then hear her out · Tell her she's reading too much into it · Laugh it off
17. When an argument gets heated you…
Ask for a pause and come back to it · Talk it through however long it takes · Get loud — that's just how I am · Go quiet for a few days
18. You're seeing other people at the same time. Does she know?
Yes — I say so early · If she asks, I tell her straight · Only once it's getting serious · It's nobody's business
19. How do your friends talk about women?
Like people. I'd call it out otherwise · Mostly fine, occasional bad joke · It's banter, nobody means it · Never really noticed
20. How do you treat waiters and drivers?
Same as anyone else · Polite, tip well · Depends on the service · Honestly, I don't notice them
21. She has close male friends. You…
Completely fine · Fine — I'd like to meet them · A bit uneasy, but I'd say nothing · It'd be a problem
22. Do you have opinions about what she wears out?
None. Not my call · Only compliments · Sometimes I'd say something · I'd expect a say in it
23. She earns more than you or outranks you at work.
Great — genuinely · Doesn't matter to me · I'd need to get used to it · I'd prefer it the other way
24. Checking a partner's phone:
Never — that's the whole point of trust · Only if we've both agreed it's open · If I had a reason, yes · It's normal in a relationship
25. Posting photos of her online:
Always ask first · Ask for anything that identifies her · My account, my call · I don't post people at all
26. How do you talk about your exes?
Fairly — it takes two · I mostly don't · Honestly? A couple were crazy · They all did me wrong
27. Are you still in contact with an ex?
No · Friendly, occasional, she'd know · Yes, closely · It's complicated
28. Why did your last relationship end?
We wanted different things · Mostly on me, and I know why · She ended it, still not sure why · I'd rather talk about it in person
29. How long have you been single?
A while — I took time out · A few months · Very recently · There's some overlap, honestly
30. Are you married, separated, or involved with anyone right now?
No — fully single · Divorced or long separated · Separating, it's in progress · Yes, and it's open
31. Is the name on your profile your real one?
Yes, full name · Real first name, no surname yet · A nickname people call me · Not exactly
32. A short video call before meeting?
Happy to — makes sense · Sure, keep it short · I'd rather just meet · I don't do video calls
33. How current are your photos?
This year · Last year or two · Some are older · They're my best ones, whenever they're from
34. Who do you live with?
On my own · Flatmates · Family · An ex-partner, for now
35. Do you have children?
No · Yes, and I'm very involved · Yes, part of the time · Yes, not currently in touch